On the spur of a moment Guro answers a newspaper ad by André, owner of a vineyard near Nice, a man who lives in Bergen, just like her. She leaves her job in Bergen and travels to a small mountain village Callian in Provence to become a companion for his mother Marie who had moved from Norway decades ago. This impulsive decision defies partly her doctor’s advice. Compulsion makes her escape the apparently ordinary life while ‘the fear of change and of approaching catastrophes’ remains constantly in her head. Seventy-five-year-old down-to-earth and easy-going Marie seems to be the first person who really sees and hears Guro, and truly understands the futile battle between enjoying the beauty of life and simultaneously punishing herself for doing so. Marie introduces Guro to her friends and to a different way of thinking, of being gentle to oneself. The illogical yet real perception by Guro is indeed difficult, her situation turns quite dramatic and we hope that time and empathy will soothe the hurting soul and body.

I am yet to read Agnes Lovise Matre’s krim books that made her a respected, popular and well-liked author in the Norwegian crime fiction sphere but I was lucky to get a copy of Every Shade of Me / Stryk meg over håret, her debut from 2012. It has recently been translated into English by May-Brit Akerholt. Following publication of this literary story in the mood of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love, though much darker, Matre has published four crime fiction novels and two psychological thrillers; some were translated into German.

After a career as a freelance journalist Matre now works part time as a teacher in Haugesund in western Norway and of course continues to write. In 2020 she was awarded the Norwegian Silver Dagger Award (Sølvkniven) for her crime fiction novel Ice Cold / Iskald. Her popular Dark Fjord series is set in the spectacular Hardanger, also known as The Garden of Norway. Imagine stunning landscapes with the dark, elongated fjord, blossoming fruit trees and snow on the high mountaintops during the summer and fog, rain and huge amounts of snow during the winter. In these locations Matre uses the crime genre as a framework to talk about themes like shame, feelings of guilt, suppression and secrets; themes that were considered to be forbidden and should have never been mentioned, especially in the harsh living conditions and tough environment when survival was often the most important goal.

Having read about Matre’s style and the issues she is interested in, I was not surprised that Every Shade of Me was in a way an early introduction to the future crime novels. The author creates a living breathing location as a solid background for the main character Guro who seeks solace in lovely French landscape, among beautiful scenery, surrounded by fragrant plants and amazingly good healthy food. The solid nature of yes! nature helps her to deal with her illness. This process isn’t easy but necessary. She has to get a grip on her eating disorder, start believing in herself and maybe even allow herself to fall in love with someone – maybe Dominic who runs a farm near Marie’s property – without the crippling need to control everything that’s uncontrollable: ‘She was anxious. Scared of dying, scared of recovering,’

There is enough tension and distrust to push Guro (and the readers) over the edge. We know enough about eating disorders to realise that some deep pain must have been a reason. Dealing with past traumas and finding a right path to recovery prove to be a daunting task for her. However, peeling away layers of secrets and going back to childhood to analyse how events over the years have shaped her emotional reactions as an adult. Matre’s portrayal of a person struggling with bulimia is powerful and touching, and ultimately very positive.